Running Is the Meaning of Life and a GIVEAWAY!

It's snowing like a mother. We might just have a white Christmas after all. Here's Ken doing his manly duty and telling me we don't need pictures of this. But "toughsky shitsky" as my dad used to say (and sometimes still does when I'm a brat).



I've spent a lot of time since being injured wondering why running is so much better than any other thing I can think of. Why don't I get the same rush from cycling, swimming or miniature golf? I think I've figured it out.

I'm reading "My Life on the Run" by Bart Yasso. Great book, by the way. In the intro he sums it up well, "When I started running, I started dreaming. It couldn't be helped. The mind works as hard as the body does during exercise. It knows its role during these lonely interludes - to inspire, analyze and fantasize."

This is it in a nutshell. Running gives that much needed physical release, but it does something fantastic to the mental condition as well. In plain talk, it makes you feel like you can. Can move. Can accomplish. Can meet goals. Can get it done. The real magic is in how this translates to everyday life. You get confidence. You get creative. You get ballsy. You get to be even more of yourself.

I was happy to find out that according to Runner's World's book "Run Less, Run Faster," qualifying for Boston is actually realistic for me (qualifying time of 3:50:59; age group 40-44). They say that if I can:

• Run a 5K in 23:40 (I did it in 23:44 in July 2009)
• Run a 10K in 49:31 (I don't know about this one because the last two 10Ks I have run I've done with my kids. I don't think I need to relish in a 1:30 10K time)
• Run a half marathon in 1:49 (I did it in 1:47 in August 2009)

I might just be able to get there. Of course it will take the usual blood, sweat, tears and poop, but it's a possibility, my friends.

I do not, however, plan to kill myself training for my May Marathon. I will work hard, be sensible and do my best. There will be no 2010 Boston for me regardless, so if I don't qualify in May for '11, I've still got some time. This injury business has made me afraid. I simply do not want to find myself not being able to run ever again. While this may be impossible (I found out about 60-65% of all runners are injured during an average year), I'm going to do everything in my control to stay healthy:

• Take calcium supplements with Vitamin D: 1,000 mg/day
• Do major core work and cross training
• Do no more than 3-4 runs per week. Each run with a purpose (speed, tempo, long)
• Follow the 10% rule
• Stick to running trails and dirt roads as much as possible to lessen impact
• Ensure adequate rest/recovery
• Listen to my body!
• Get massages everyday
• Go on the Hollywood Cookie Diet
• Get a breast reduction to reduce back pain.

Okay, those last three are lies, but funny anyway.

Plus, if I can make this cake, I think I can BQ any day. If only. I'm no Martha Stewart (except for the jail part), but this looks pretty damn good:

Who likes Starbucks? I've got a $150 gift card for you. Just kidding it's only $10. What do you think I am, rich? Just become a follower (1 entry), or if you have no interest in being a follower of this lame blog, leave a comment telling me either your best injury prevention tip or how running has made you more ballsy, creative or outstanding as a person (1 entry). For a third entry, link back to my giveaway on your own blog. Good luck!

Drinking: Not drinking anything. Am parched. I made up a new drink last night that I will be drinking at 6pm Mountain Time. Mix 2 parts Grey Goose vodka with one part sparkling Izze grapefruit. Put in martini glass. It does not disappoint. If it does, toughsy shitsky.

Even Crappy Runs Rule

Why the crazy ass, maniacal smile? It's been a good day. And the monthly visitor is even in town. As we speak my kids have left on a bike ride without me even having to beg and plead that they stop beating each other up and find something to do. Some kids may do this naturally, i.e., entertain themselves, but mine have always preferred to be within 2" of my physical body, usually touching me in some way.

We always love to bitch about the weather where we are and how it sucks to run in the ___________ (insert your choice of word here: cold, snow, wind, sleet, hurricane, tornado, tsunami). But, be glad you can run. At all. I bring this up a lot because it has been on my mind a lot. I couldn't run for almost three months and it about killed me. During this time, I would have given my left nut to take a crappy run. That's about how much I wanted to run. It took me an injury to just be grateful to be out there at all despite weather conditions and unwanted bodily functions every run's a run to be celebrated.

This morning, for instance, I had the longest run I have had in three months. Five miles. The headwind was atrocious and the route was uphill. But I sincerely loved every second of it. The simple sensation of running. The sound of my feet on the dirt road. The sunshine on my back. The subtle taste of another marathon in my future. It felt like hope.

Today is Winter Solstice and also the first day of winter. I love this day. It means we are emerging out of the darkness. Our days will become longer, our nights shorter. This feels like hope too. Check out my latest Examiner article about this very fact and how it applies to us runners.

Another reason I'm smiling? Ken and I get to drop the kids with my parents for the night. We'll be heading to Boulder for some merriment and good food at Brasserie Ten Ten (I'm going for the muscles and frites). Almost 15 years of marriage and I still love a good date with my charming, funny and adorable husband.

One last note. If you haven't seen The Hangover and you want a feel good family movie an adventure in extreme crudeness, go get it at the Redbox.

First Marathon Race Report

As you know (if you really do keep track of stuff I do), I ran my first marathon in January 2009 (Rock 'n' Roll/Phoenix) after training with Team in Training (or TIT as I like to call it) for four months. Until then I had never been much of a runner (had never run further than a 10K), but decided to train for the 26.2 miles anyway. Secretly, I planned to down grade to the half marathon if need be. But race day came, and I felt ready, so I went with it. I had truly fallen in love with this running thing.

I didn't start this blog until March 2009, so there was no race report on Shutupandrun about my one and only marathon. It's been almost a year (and 3 half marathons, one relay and one injury later) and I'm feeling nostalgic, so I thought I'd post the report I wrote for my family blog (not alot of cussing or poop stories there). Just in case you care. As I'm hopefully healed from injury and getting ready to start training for the Colorado Marathon in May, it's good to remember where I got my start. I still tear up when I read this. In a second I can re-expereince it all.

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I got up at 5:45 a.m., put on my carefully laid out outfit. I kissed Ken and the kids goodbye (they would later find me at several points on the course). As I left Sam said, "Run with your heart." This was the last bit of inspiration I needed.

I boarded the school bus shuttle to the start. It was still pitch black and freezing. I had no idea where to go and it was a mass of people. Once I found the start, I noticed people were huddled around a generator that was giving off a bit of heat (and probably lethal carbon monoxide). I positioned myself in the middle of this huddle rubbing bodies with people I didn't know, but I was warm. At 7:30 a.m., I headed to Corral 5, my starting place. The national anthem was sung, the gun sounded, and we were off. Well not really. With all of the people it took me at least two minutes just to get to the start line.

I started out S L O W, which is what we were told to do. For each minute you start too fast, you supposedly lose four minutes later. My slowest miles were miles one and two.

Mile 3: First place I saw Ken and the kids. Emma looked miserable. Cold and tired. I felt great. But of course I did. Only 23 miles to go. I drank some Cytomax and plugged along.

Mile 5: Ate my first gel. Feeling really good. Had to pee, but didn't want to stop.

Mile 8: Next place I was to see Ken and the kids. Couldn't find them any where. Could it be I was running quicker than we thought? We guessed I'd be doing ten minute miles, but I was actually doing nines. Continued to grab water at each mile, but not stopping. Staying hydrated is key. Put in my headphones. Turned the corner heading east. The sun was in my face, Bruce was singing "The Rising," and I was running with my heart. Full on. I knew I could do this.

Mile 10: Can't deny the desire to pee. Found a port-o-potty with no line. Jumped in and and out. Back on the course in 1 minute. Grabbed some Cytomax drink and pretzels. Ate another gel (vanilla).

Mile 13.1: Half way! Two hours in. Saw Ken and the kids. Feeling really good at this point. Start to pick up my pace. More Cytomax. Got to keep hydrated.

Mile 18: Still keeping my pace and feeling strong. Ken and the kids are there again with their posters and cowbells. I am so glad to see them.

Mile 20: Now it is getting hard. I am feeling okay, but my legs are getting fatigued. People are slowing way down. Many are walking. I am keeping up my nine minute pace and passing many people. I remember what Julie said, "When you get tired, try to pass people and get your energy from that." I try to eat another gel, but am having trouble getting it down. I throw it on the ground and keep moving.

Mile 21: There's Ashley on the sidelines - my Team in Training coordinator. She has a huge purple afro on. She hugs me and runs with me. I am too tired to talk, but it's nice to see a familiar face.

Mile 22: Holy cow. Put one foot in front of the other. Don't stop. Don't slow down. Find a song that will keep up your energy. I kept repeating Green Day's "Basket Case," which has always been one of my favorite running songs. It keeps my pace on track. Don't stop moving or you might not be able to start again.

Mile 23: I am searching for the mile markers now. Breathing a sigh of relief each time I pass one. Only 3.2 miles to go. That's just one lap around Macintosh Lake. That's just one short run. I'm listening to Bruce's "Born to Run." I'm trying to find inspiration around me to keep going. I keep drinking water and putting one foot in front of the other. A surprise: there's Ken and the kids. The kids run with me for a block, but I am so focused it's hard to converse. Here's me at mile 23 (yeah, hurtin' just a tad):
Mile 24: If I just pick it up a bit I might be able to get in under four hours. No, I can't do it. I don't have it in me.

Mile 25: I might just finish this thing. I really might. Oh no, there is someone on the ground with the medics. Heartbreaking to get this far and to not be able to finish.

Mile 26: People are yelling "Go Beth!!" I can't see the finish yet, but I know it is soon. I am trying to smile.

Mile 26.2: I run across the finish being careful not to look at my watch since I want my finish photo to be a good one. I throw my arms in the air and yell, "YES!" with tears in my eyes.

I.stop.running after 4:03. I did an average of a 9.1 minute mile which is truly the best I could have hoped for on my first marathon.

After four hours, my body has taken a beating. Immediately my stomach cramps up. A medal is put around my neck and I am given a blanket and a popsicle. I grab two more popsicles for the kids and start looking for them. We reunite at the Team in Training tent. I sit down and take off my shoes. Blisters, black and blue toenails. I put on flip flops. I am done!


At the hotel we order room service then head to the pool. I sit in the hot tub and cool my muscles in the pool. I take a hot shower and make some calls. We dress for the victory party and head to the Sheraton where we eat a lot and dance and do the limbo. It truly felt like a celebration.



And today, two days later, I am stiff and sore. But it was worth every mile. One of the greatest feelings has to be working towards something, giving it your all, feeling the pain of the journey, but persevering and reaching your goal.

Tons more pictures at: http://picasaweb.google.com/brisdon1/RockNRollMarathonPhoenix

Two Things

Two things to share before I start drinking wine tonight and can't type:

One of my children is in for it big time. Someone under the age 13 unplugged my Garmin charger, unbeknownst to me. I started my run with that dreaded "low battery" message. It immediately blacked out. Someone's gonna get it. I don't beat my children. I never really even spanked. In fact, I work for social services and am committed to preventing child abuse on all levels. However, you mess with my Garmin and things could get ugly.

Next thing. Someone from Shirts4Runners commented on my blog, so I visited their site. If you were going to get me a Christmas gift this year, I would like this because there is perhaps no greater gift for me on the planet:

Brilliant.

Drinking: Not yet drinking, but it is Friday and I'm on my way to uncork some chardonnay.

Winter Boost

I did something very un-me-like yesterday. Can you tell what it was? Doubt it.

I know you're thinking that I must have gotten a boob job due to my voluptuousness. But more likely you were too busy wondering how it is possible that someone with female parts and estrogen could possible have a body like mine - that of a twelve year old boy (minus the obvious appendage).

What I did was go in for some airbrush tanning, for the first time ever. I have a friend who has recently lost a lot of weight. She has been doing some self improvement things and wanted to tan, so I went along. Check out this tan line. No one else in the state of Colorado in December can boast this (except for the friend who went with me).

Phew - didn't show any crack.

Yes, it is kind of queer that I chose to go in the middle of winter when there is absolutely zero chance that anyone (but my lucky husband) will get to see my bronzed bod. But it is what it is.

This was kind of an interesting situation. I went into Tiki Tan in Longmont and was greeted by Jennifer. Apparently she and her husband, who is the lieutenant of the Longmont fire department, own this place. I told you Longmont was small.

She took me back to this room that was not unsimilar to a Conoco gas station bathroom. It was clean enough and had a toilet and a tent for the tanning. Jennifer came in and told me that she was a nurse also so that if I wanted to go completely naked, while she airbrushed me, it would be fine (I guess nurses see a lot). I opted to keep the bra and underwear on (hence the tan line). The thought of someone who I didn't know airbrushing my privates was a little much. Even someone I did know airbrushing my privates would be a little much.

You might be wondering why I didn't opt for the tanning bed. I have only been to tanning beds once and that was in college when I was getting ready to go the Bahamas for spring break. All the girls said we should do it to avoid getting burned. Because I do what people tell me, I did it. I'm pretty sure I made friends with melanoma during that time, but I did get a deeper tan than I've ever had before:


That's me on the left with the ruffles and the perm.

Oh, and just because I was going through old photos of the Bahama's trip, here's when I won the limbo contest.

That's me with the afro.

Do you ever do stuff like this? Tanning, pedicures, botox, cosmetic surgeries?

Oh yeah, this is a running blog, so let's move onto that.

Yesterday, my Yogi tea had this to say:

Immediately, because I am obsessed with running, I made the "most impossible challenge" the almighty marathon. Yes, it's true that overcoming that feat brought me unmeasured accomplishment and happiness (only to be compared to squeezing two 8 1/2 pound babies out of a small opening).

Today I am giving a huge shout out to Super Feet, makers of insoles for runners. They have the best return policy ever. You have 60 days to return/exchange their products if you are not completely satisfied. Today I exchanged my green Superfeets for blues (greens had too high of an arch), just shy of the 60 day mark. I had cut up and used the insoles for the past two months. Yet, with no questions asked, I was given a brand new pair. I love a company that stands by their product. This is how they keep and gain customers.


Drinking: Hazelnut vanilla coffee from Einsteins

What's On Your List?

First off, Rachel is doing a great giveaway - A signed copy of Rules for Runners! So check it out.


Do you ever wonder if running is taking over your life? It might be if you:

• Plan your poops around your runs (to avoid a mess in the drawers or a roadside crap)
• See or hear the word "marathon" anywhere and perk right up even if it's referring to a series of shows in a row on TV (ergo - a "Christmas Story " marathon)
• Disappear when your new issue or Runner's World comes (maybe you're in the crapper pretending to poop or maybe you're combining the pre-run poop with some good reading)
• Gravitate towards and feel a kinship with anyone who runs. Even if they are five years old.

Me? This is how I know running has taken over my life. Without even trying or thinking about it, my Christmas list turned into this (yes, I still have a Christmas list. Ken and I still buy gobs of stuff for each other on Christmas and birthdays. There is nothing like saying "I love you" by spending tons of money on crap):

1. Subscription to Women's Running Magazine

I am a woman and I run, so seemed appropriate

2. Book: Brain Training for Runner's


So I can get my brain on board with my upcoming marathon training and marathon running. In case you didn't know, the mind is a powerful thing.

3. Capri Running Tights


I only have one pair. They smell.

4. Cheetah Running Skirt from RunningSkirts with matching headband

My new thing is this: just like how you wear crap clothes all day everyday, but then you go to a party and dress up? I am going to wear crap running clothes every time I run, but when it comes to races I am going to KILL IT with my outfits. Yes, I'm going to dress up. NEVER in a costume, mind you, but just in cute running clothes. Why? I don't know. It's just something to do and maybe it will make me faster. And we all know cheetahs are fast. To go with this sweet outfit I might also get a cheetah on my Betty. (JK).

5. Stability Ball

Everyone needs a big orange ball. Okay, we all know that the only thing I have going for me is my abs. Boobs? I'm a barely "A" cup. Butt? Saggy at best. Legs? Stumpy and short. So I figure I'll continue to pimp those abs with this stability ball and I will also, hopefully be strengthening my core for better running. Apparently there is some correlation.

Do you see a common theme here? It's all about the running. All of it.

What's on your list?

Drinking: Starbucks Christmas Blend

Number of times I used the word "crap" in this post: 6

She's Ba-ack

Take a step inside of me for a moment.

You are a newer runner. You have run one marathon (4:03) and are training for your second. Running has become almost an obsession - you eat, think, read, write running. You are on fire. You feel you have no limits. You are exactly two months out from your second marathon in ten months. You are on track to qualify for Boston. You go for a speed workout one day at the track- the hardest one yet (9 x 800 @ 3:20). You've done six of the nine 800s when your foot starts to hurt. Not excruciatingly, but noticeable. You stop and go home. Actually, you stop and go out for coffee and buy this dress at Outdoor Divas:

You take two days off. HUGE hiatus for you. You have a half marathon to run the next weekend. You take it easy. You wear heels to go see Cirque de Soleil in Denver on Friday night and carry your 50 lb. 8 year old piggback style 2 miles to the car. Your foot feels fine.

Two days later: race day. Mile one: your foot immediately starts to hurt. You keep running. Your foot hurts for the entire 13.1 miles often bringing you to tears, but never tempting you to drop out because you are just that stubborn. You cross the finish line in 1:59, 12 minutes slower than your PR. You sit down and cannot get back up. You can put no pressure on your foot. You almost have to be carried to the car.

I like to call this picture "in eff'ing pain and faking it":

That night, at 3:00 a.m. you wake up with your foot throbbing. You start sobbing. You know something is really wrong. You know you will not be able to run your marathon.

Sure enough, an MRI two days later confirms the diagnosis of a stress fracture. Suddenly crutches, the air cast and lots of sitting around are introduced into your formerly active world. You cry. You feel self pity. You have gone from running 45 miles a week to barely making it to the fridge. You feel helpless and pissed off.

Slowly the healing starts. After two weeks you are able to swim. After four weeks you flush the air cast down the toilet and introduce the bike and the elliptical. At eight weeks you can run one minute/walk four minutes. By twelve weeks you are running for 28 minutes or 3.1 miles. You sign up for the Colorado Marathon on Mother's Day 2010. You plan to start training on January 1, 2010.

Also, at twelve weeks you walk into Solepepper Sports, owned by Olympians Shayne and Allen Culpepper, and buy new running shoes. Even though the person who helps you whines that she only ran a 3:30 marathon, you don't beat her up. You are exhilarated. This shoe buying business is symbolic and monumental. It means you are really back to running. That you are still a runner despite many weeks off. That setbacks are only temporary. You know it has sucked, but you also know you have learned some things. Patience is everything. The best results don't come over night. You can take months off from training and still come back strong. Running is not the only thing you are good at.

Okay, you can stop being me now.

Today I ran in my new shoes (New Balance 1064) and created a new yoga pose. It was a great day:

I even ran in the shirt form the marathon I didn't get to run. Just because this damn shirt cost me $115 so I will eff'ing wear it even if I didn't run the race (and thanks to the dog for covering my ass):

So folks, watch out. I am back. I am back with a mean 9 minute mile. And maybe a lightening bolt on my Betty.

Drinking: Candy Cane Lane tea